Deandrea Wright Official Website

This Christmas tree was the last thing my mommy & I did together. Dec 15th 2010, she asked me to ride to Wal-Mart with her at like 3 in the morning. I went because I got her to go with me – NO COMPLAINTS – at 1 in the morning 2 nights earlier to grocery shop. I’d been telling her for months I wanted these sorta cerulean blue ornaments. She didn’t like the blue but she went with it just for me. I insisted that it would be SO cute! I mean EVERYTHING I picked up for that tree, she bought it! She ended up spending $250 on freakin Christmas tree decorations & fun Christmas stuff for her students. She was determined that this Christmas would be our best in years.

We came home and she told me to go ahead and order the peacoat she was buying me for Christmas as she wanted it here in time enough to go under the tree. [I'm going to post a blog on the peacoat next...] In the photo above, that big box on the right side is it. So after I placed the order, we decorated the tree til it was time for her to go to work. She had done most of the decorating as I opened/stored the boxes and put the hooks in the ornaments to have them ready every time she walked by for one. When she finished working her magic, she went to get dressed for work while I put the finishing touches on the tree by filling in spots & balancing the sizes/colors/ornament styles. She said to me

You did a REALLY good job on the tree!!

I’m like

Huh?! Ma YOU did most of the work!

SMH why did I deserve full credit?? She said

But I LOVE the blue & silver color scheme!! I didn’t think it would look so pretty!!

I was really happy she loved it! The last night I saw her, I cut on the tree so it would be on when she came home & if I’d gone to sleep she could just cut it off. I ended up staying up all night with my friend Nikki. My mommy never came home.

I thought nothing of it that Sunday morning because sometimes she’ll just get a hotel room and stay a night. She’d even go just to get some rest or to get to herself and work. She’d pack her school bag, do her lesson plans & grade her student’s papers while there(though that wasn’t the case this time). I’d only call her if I needed something because I knew she was having a good time. She would call me sometimes like

Nechie you haven’t even called your mama to make sure I was okay, I haven’t heard from you all day!

I always told her that I knew she was fine. We live in MISSISSIPPI afterall right?!?!?!?! Now I see I couldn’t have been more wrong. After we were certain something had gone wrong, I could NOT cut on the tree the next night & those following. Every time I stare at it longer than 2 seconds, I BREAK DOWN in TEARS!! I have NEVER really been away from my mom & got even MORE attached to her the last 3 yrs. Maybe TOO attached. I’ve been wanting to move again but I really couldn’t imagine being away from her anymore. I also wanted to watch my nephew O’Ryan grow up. But my mom was my best friend. She was there for me through all the painful, horrifying and just pure evil bullshit I had to deal with this year. My daddy’s sudden death, the psycho ex, the grandchild that she wanted SOOOO desperately. I’ve been through it this year! Never been so low in my life but there I was. I knew it hurt her to see me the way I was & she did everything she could think of. I started to feel sorry for HER because of her feeling so sorry for me. Eventually I started to feel better but she knew that I was still hurting. She called me last month and left this message on my voice mail:

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I had missed her call because my phone had discharged but I immediately called her back. She had just left home but she stayed on the phone with me forever talking about things. She told me how beautiful & intelligent I was and cracked jokes about the person who’d hurt her baby. One thing about her that everyone that knows her knows is that she’d go in cracking jokes QUICK! I remember thinking how lucky I was that she was my mom!

My mommy, my HEART.. I waited for you. I wouldn’t leave the house because I didn’t want to miss you when you finally returned home. I had to take the Christmas wreath off your door as every time it made a sound, my heart jumped out of my chest thinking you were turning your keys in the lock. Since the night of the morning we found out for sure what had happened, I’ve been plugging the tree in for you. Even though its unbearably painful for me, I will light it up until the holidays are over. YOUR light, however, will forever shine on in every life you’ve ever touched. If there’s a heaven I know you’re in it having an awesome Christmas. Mine will never be the same. I LOVE & MISS YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!! ♥ ♥ :’(